Anxiety & Palpitations. Self Harm and More Vodka

Dear Diary

I'm not feeling too great today. I spent part of last night at the hospital after vomiting blood and my anxiety levels are going through the roof. I keep getting palpitations and shivers along with the stomach cramps from last nights episode and these are only fuelling my anxiety

It's been 10 days now since I first started writing my diary.

And I'm already dead.

The doctor was concerned about the scars on my arms and I told him about me drinking a few days ago. He said if I want to live out the year then I need to look after myself more. With some medication and healthy living he says I may even last longer than 12 months. But hell, in what condition? I do not think my last few months are going to be very nice anyway and being unaware of my surroundings, drugged up to the eyeballs, is not exactly what I call living.

I'm living here.

But I’m already dead.

So I may as well enjoy the occasional drink as I have nothing left to live for now. I'm not even alive.

I might get another bottle of accelerated death tonight. I need something to calm my anxiety.

Thanks for reading.